Jorgey in all his glory

Jorgey Porgey Puddin n Poy
Jorgey-Porgey, God-Emperor of The Reachites, is a prominent hero of the League and the incumbent Lord Protector, as well as a member of High Command. He was elected to this position as recognition for his achievements regarding the Terraforming project he undertook. Jorgey saw it as his duty to make all planets habitable as a form of retribution for what happened to REAAAACH!!!!

Jorgey's favourite vehicle, the Forklift Truck, custom made from REAAAACH!!!!

Jorgey has a particular liking for the planet REAAAACH!!!! and he views it as his mother, god, overlord, etc.

Early Life

Jorgey, like all Spartans of his caliber, was kidnapped at a young age by Halsey for the Spartan-II supersoldier project. He enjoyed his academy life, despite consistently being bullied for his large build and being insultingly named "Jorgey-Porgey-Puddin' 'n' Poy", a name he would later adopt and use as form of psychological punishment. Jorge saw it as his duty to protect and guide his class-mates, including his good friend Johnny, the famous Chiefo. He was a big guy, and so many people tended to steer clear of him, but Johnny didn't let this cloud his judgement of the gentle giant. After years of friendship between Jorgey, Johnny, and the rest of the gang, they eventually parted ways as they were deployed to different sectors of the galaxy.


Jorgey with his buddies

Jorgey with his buddies on REAAAACH!!!!

Jorge was a member of Team Noble, an elite spartan squad outfitted with the best equipment the UNSC could muster. His squad was stationed on the beloved REAAAACH!!!! when the Coviees finally discovered its location. First contact occurred in the farming valley, a location which Jorge would later come to despise. Jorgey rescued a girl, Sara Sorvad, and drew up a complicated plan with her just in case things got bad. But more on that later...

A few days into the war, the Coviee supercarrier Long Night of Solace made its appearance. Noble Team, believing it to be the real threat to REAAAACH!!!!, formulated a plan to deal with it. This plan involved flying up to the supercarrier in the captured Ardent Prayer with a slipspace bomb and detonating it inside. Convieniently, the bomb malfunctioned and needed to be activated manually. In defense of the beloved REAAAACH!!!!, Jorgey agreed to detonate the bomb and save No-Bell 6, throwing him off the ship, through the atmosphere and crashing into the planet. Although somehow he wasn't hurt at all save for a scratch on his arm. Jorgey's last words were: "REAAAACH!!!! has been good to me, its time to return the favour". The bomb detonated, taking Jorgey and the supercarrier with it. His squad believed him to be dead, but that was not the last of Jorgey...

Life after REAAAACH!!!!

Long Night of Solace destroyed

The Long Night of Solace is destroyed by Jorgey

After being warped to an undiscovered sector of space, Jorgey was left drifting. With only the classical music downloaded onto his helmet to keep him company, Jorgey slowly began to go insane. Years of drifting and listening to the same tune over and over again took its toll on Jorgey. After 3 years of drifitng Jorgey transformed into a devious, cunning yet utterly psycopathic meglomaniac. He formulated plans for the restoration of REAAAACH!!!!, but had other hobbies too. It is thought that a song that he came up with drove him insane. But this insanity was just the start...


Jorgey eventually crashed on Requiem, a forerunner shield world that contained the Didact. Jorgey took shelter in a place that would eventually be known as the Temple of Requiem . He started out by hunting the Covenant forces that patrolled the surface of Requiem, to avenge REAAAACH!!!!. However, he eventually allied himself with the Covvies on Requiem to fight a bigger threat... the Prometheans. Through his aid, Mr. Jiggles, Jorgey was able to amass an army of Covvies to use against the Prometheans. Jorgey would often ride his custom-built flagship, the SS REAAAACH!!!!, into battle alongside his Grunts.

The Great War

Jorge disappointed

Jorgey stares disappointingly at a Grunt who failed the Weakest Grunt...

The Covvies and the Prometheans fought for some time before The Didact eventually showed his mutated face. Him and Jorgey called a ceasefire, in which Jorgey spent five days lecturing the Didact on REAAAACH!!!!. He bullied the Didact into relinquishing control of the Prometheans to Jorgey, and even letting him use the Composer, a device that can unleash unlimited power.


Around the same time, another force of Covenant arrived on Requiem - the Storm Covenant, led by Jul Mdama. After initially waiting outside Requiem for three years, they were eventually let in, and although no actual contact between Jorgey's Covvies (who were busy constructing Reach) and the Storm was ever made, Jorgey would occasionally kidnap a Storm Grunt to use for his weekly episode of the weakest Grunt. All those who were not educated on Reach were killed. Painfully. Jorgey spared only one of his Storm Covenant Grunts, and that was Grunty Chief, who actually had knowledge of REAAAACH!!!!. The rest were used as slave labour for a new plan...


Jorgey and his pals set to work using the combined forces of the Prometheans and the Covvies to build a new Reach, a massive structure made of wreckage and rocks collected by Requiem's portal. After several years, the huge structure was finally complete. In celebration, Jorgey released all of his Storm Covenant Slaves. As he was about to leave, Johnny crashed on Requiem...

The Confrontation

Jorgey Porgey

Jorgey with his turret in full armour.

Jorgey set to work, he went back to the Temple of Requiem. He set up all of his crazed traps, such as a helmet that drops from the ceiling and a forklift truck. Johnny entered the building, only to be confronted by Jorgey, who was hanging from the roof. Screaming 'You'll feel the pain of REAAAACH!!!!' he dropped down from the roof and crushed Johnny, knocking him unconcious. Whilst the final preparations for Jorgey's departure were completed by what remained of his loyal Storm Covenant forces, Jorgey chased Johnny down a corridor using his forklift, which eventually collapsed the Temple.

The Final Victory

Jorgey and Johnny escaped, however, and went their seperate ways for the last time. Jorgey went to his flagship and fired the composer at the Junk REAAAACH!!!!, transforming it, to his delight, into a perfect replica of the planet REAAAACH!!!!. Jorgey didn't even notice when the Didact took back over control of the Prometheans, or when the Didact left Requiem. Jorgey was too busy dancing and prancing over his victory, and he sped off to REAAAACH!!!!, crashing his ship in the progress. He had a disco on the bridge, which he diverted all power to the MUSIC SYSTEM, allowing him to play his crazy tunes at full volume. This massive power diversion destroyed most of the engines until Grunty Chief deactivated the MUSIC SYSTEM in an attempt to save the ship. This led to him being left behind in the back end of the ship, which disintergrated during the descent. Jorgey danced around the bridge before saying 'We've got some nasty business in the canyon ahead...' his Grunts scurried around trying to prevent the crash, but he sped ahead and the ship toppled into the canyon of REAAAACH!!!!, shattering into a thousand pieces.

The End?

But this was not the end of Jorgey, as he launched a pod from the ruined ship which crashed into Sword Base mountain and created a replica of the Temple of Requiem, now renamed the Temple of REAAAACH!!!!, and Jorge and his grunties lived on REAAAACH!!!!, and Jorgey created a new race of humans, called Reachites, from the composer, Promethean technology and his own DNA. He then gave them the Storm Covenant Fleet and sat back to live on New Reach for the rest of his days, only leaving to go to League meetings. In later life, Jorgey hired a massive metal bodyguard, opened a Stop with Sood, invested in a new form of Salad and Pie and killed an alternate version of himself. How nice.

Reclamation of Reach

After several years, Jorgey finally met back up with Sara Sorvad, who had survived the Fall of Reach and had carried out Jorgey's complicated instructions (which included destroying an entire Covenant Carrier and planting Energy Shields at a specific location). This ensured the survival of the original Reach as her Energy Shields preserved a segment of the original Reach's soil, (including Noble Six's helmet), which allowed Jorgey to Compose the entire of Reach and restore it to its former glory.

Reforming the League

Now billions of years old, utilizing the Composer combined with other powers the League posesses to lengthen his own lifespan and that of other League members, Jorgey saw that the League itself is crumbling as the Galaxy becomes corrupt. Therefore, he signed a treaty with the Face of Boe and completely reorganises the League to be better suited to dealing with wars, uprisings and betrayals. Because of this, the League became invincible. Jorgey then went back to New Reach and watched the show, content with the fact that, one way or the other, he has changed the Galaxy forever.

And thus ends the tale of Jorgey Porgey Puddin and Pie.