Battle of the Ark

The Battle of the Ark was a battle, right, that happened on the Ark, hence the name the Battle of the Ark.

Prelude
After several lengthy battles on Earth the Human forces were nearly defeated, and after a scare with the Flood, Lord Hood wasn't prepared to take the fight any further. However, after a message from Cortana to Johnny revealed that the Flood were preparing to attack Earth, Hood authorised an attack on the Ark. Truth had opened a Portal leading to the Ark using the Eiffel Tower and his entire fleet ran away through it, followed closely by the joint Human-Elite fleet.

The Attack on the Cartographer
As soon as the Elite fleet, commanded by Shitmaster, arrived at the Ark they were surrounded by Brute ships. Unfortunatly for our Brutey Buddies none of them knew how to steer the ships so they all just flew straight ahead and mixed with the Elite ships. This meant that the Elites could slip between their enemies and confuse them, and several stupid Brutes ended up shooting their own ships. This led to the other ships firing back until it eventually led to the ten Elite ships drifting slowly away as forty Brute ships slowly blasted themselves apart.

Meanwhile, Johnny, Arby and the Human forces had landed on the Ark and were slowly picking their way though the Covenant defences. After destroying some pathetically weak Anti-Air defences the Forward Unto Dawn landed and dropped off vehicles and supplies to boost the UNSC's defences. Taking a tank, Johnny blasted his way through an army of Covenant that sprung up out of nowhere and fought his way up to the Silent Cartographer, a facility that had a map of the Ark inside.

Despite assurances by the Brute Chieftain stationed there that 'The pack will feast on you', the UNSC slaughtered the Brute occupiers and activated the Cartographer. This showed them the way to the Citadel at the centre of the Ark that was the hiding place of Truth, however, it was being protected by a barrier. Guilty Guilty formulated a plan to deactivate the barrier via three beam towers so they all set off to the Citadel to begin their attack. Forming a 'Trident', the combined Human-Covenant forces sped across desert, grassland, ocean and snow towards the center of the Ark. They may have stopped for snacks along the way, but if so that was erased from the UNSC files.

The Attack on the Citadel Shield
The battlegroup split into three divisions, one led by Johnny, one led by Arby and one led by Sergeant Johnson. Each team had to deactivate one tower, and two of them managed it no problem. Three guesses who didn't. Yep, thats right, as soon as Arby and Johnny deactivated their towers they received news that Johnson had apparently ran into some trouble and had been captured. Sigh. Ordering Shitmaster to pointlessly fire at the shield every three minutes as a 'diversion', Johnny and Arby met up to go save Johnson.

Arriving at his tower our heroes faced minimal resistance and managed to deactivate the tower. However, as the Shadow of Intent charged its weapons to bomb the Citadel, the ruins of High Charity appeared above the Ark and scattered Flood-infested debris all over the Installation. A large chunk of superheated metal flew straight through the Shadow of Intent, crippling it and taking its weapons offline. Another piece hit the tower that Johnny and Arby were in, meaning that they had to fight their way through Flood to escape. After cleansing the area Arby and Guilty Guilty departed to assess the damage to the Ark, leaving Johnny to assault the Citadel with what was left of the Elites and Marines, as well as the Awesome Squad. Miranda Keyes dropped off more ordnance for the Human ground forces before taking her Pelican over the ridge of the Citadel to assess the situation.

The Assault on the Citadel
Taking a tank, Johnny charged at the Brutes guarding the Citadel who all ran away. Despite Shitmaster's comment that 'Truth's fleet lies in ruins', Two Scarabs were somehow dropped out of the sky to defend the Citadel. After destroying these two lumbering chunks of tin with the help of some Hornets Johnny and Arby entered the Citadel directly to attack Truth.

However, inside the Citadel things were looking grim. Johnson was being bullied by a Brute and was forced to activate the console. Buying as much time as he could Johnson was about to give in when a Pelican Dropship smashed through the window, knocking a stupid Brute who tried to stop it off the edge. Miranda Keyes emerged from the Pelican and attacked the Brutes but she was soon overpowered. As she was about to shoot Johnson Truth riddled her with Spiker shots, sending himself flying over the back of his throne in the process. Miranda Keyes was dead, and the Ark was activated by Truth using Johnson who was too devastasted to resist.

The Alliance
Seeing that things weren't going too well, Gravespeare offered his help to our heroes in attacking Truth. Since Gravespeare actually had a thing for Miranda after she touched his tentacle trying to get the Index way back on Installation 05, he was pretty miffed when she was killed. The Flood, along with Johnny and Arby, fought their way up to Truth's podium were, after a lengthy speech and a twisted headspin by Truth that took off Lord Hood's nose, he was finally killed by Arby. Hallelujah.

The Betrayal
OK, enough funny business. Gravespeare immedietly turns on our heroes and denies them escape as Johnson flies Miranda's body out of the Citadel. Running away from his tentacles (but not before taking the oppurtunity to tea-bag Truth's body into the floor, literally), the guys flee down a maintenence shaft leading to the Foundry. The bitch inside Johnny's head shows him the way to a panel which, when pressed, reveals a whole new Halo being built in the centre of the Ark. Shit is going down.

After rescuing Cortana from High Charity, Johnny and Arby flew to this new Installation to activate it. Sergeant Johnson followed in the frigate Forward Unto Dawn, and the trio entered the control room of the Halo after a lengthy battle was Flood forces. However, when they reached the control console to activate the ring, Guilty Guilty protested, claiming that the Installation was not yet ready to fire. When Johnson went ahead with the activation anyway, Guilty shot and grievously wounded Jonhson.

Arby was blasted out of the way and it was up to Johnny to take him down. Using Johnson's Laser Cannon, Johnny critically damaged Spark and destroyed his casing, allowing them to proceed with the activation. Johnson fell unconscious and, believing him to be dead, Johnny left him where he lay. Then Johnny and Arby began a mad run on a Warthog (or was it a Mongoose? Or even some Ghosts?) And were soon joined by their buddies Who Ate the Ham and Norman Ram. Then all four of them escaped on the Frigate, however, a cruel twist of fate snapped the ship in half, leaving Johnny and Cortana stranded in space whilst the Elites got back to Earth. Johnny would later end up on Requiem, but thats a different Kettle of Grunts altogether...

Aftermath
Following this battle, it appeared that the Covenant and the Flood were both defeated... for now. Arby later returned to Sangheilios with Shitmaster, the Awesome Squad, Who Ate the Ham and Norman Ram. The Humans began to rebuild, without Johnny, as he was floating about in space for another 4 years before the Infinity found him on Requiem. In the meantime, some Covenant terrorists and Prometheans had emerged so that Johnny had something to fight that wasn't his own insecurities, or a Giant Skinless Monkey.