Agent Locke

Agent Locke, also known as Spartan Locke, or Spartan Cock, is a distant descendent of philsopher John Locke, and is therefore the cleverest person alive. He is clever enough to realise that the Elites are goodies not baddies, which puts him in a whole different league to Idiot Failure, Stupid Fool and the Gang of Paranoid Gimps from Mars.

Despite his massive intelligence, he still works for ONI like a pathetic drone. Hopefully this will change in the future, but that remains to be seen. In the meantime, however, he has been on some amazing missions - such as a quest to the ruins of Installation 04 to pick up a shipment of cocaine for the ONI officials, and a trip down to Arby's house to watch some home videos of Johnny throwing bombs into Covenant ships. After this experience, Locke and Arby became quite good pals, and so when ONI told Locke to actually hunt down Johnny, Locke went to Arby for help. Arby pledged to aid Locke in whatever ways he could, but only if Locke told ONI to stop killing Elites and focus on the main job of clearing up any Flood still left in the Galaxy. Being idiots, ONI refused, but Arby helped Locke anyway.

Locke has a troop of circus performers who travel round the Galaxy with him, but they haven't really said or done anything of note and so they are never remembered by anyone. All we know is that they all use Battle Rifles and they don't mind Elites either, so their IQ must number in the 200-region, otherwise they'd be in with the ONI idiots just like Failure Palmer.

Locke and his chums travelled to the planet of Kamchatka to kill Jul Mdama and rescue Doctor Halsey, who had had a sudden change of heart and realised she didn't want to help the Covenant after all. After killing Jul and his totally useless bodyguards, Locke retrieved Halsey and took her back to Infinity. During this time, Johnny's experiences with Jorgey on Requiem finally caught up with him, and he went insane, declaring himself AWOL and stealing an ONI Prowler, so ONI sent Locke and his Fireteam Osiris after the rogue Spartan and the rest of Blue Team.

The missions took Osiris to the backwater planet of Meridian, where a crazy AI called Governer Sloan was fighting off a Promethean invasion. After fighting with the Warden Eternal and learning of Cortana's resurrection, Locke briefly encountered Chief and punched him until his visor broke. This knocked some sense into Chief, who decided to try to stop Cortana, but not before incapacitating Locke and leaving him to die in a volcano.

The rest of Osiris rescued Locke after standing around for ages (despite only being 5 feet away from the fight in the first place) and they escaped Meridian as a Guardian emerged from the ground and slaughtered the population. They then travelled to Sanghelios to ask Arby for help, but Arby had his own problems - the Battle of Sunaion was about to begin, and Arby asked for Osiris's help in exchange for information about Chief. This turned out to be highly convenient as another Guardian rested under Sunaion, and Sarah Palmer and Doctor Halsey magically appeared to transport Osiris to the Guardian via Pelican after reconciling their differences and forming a super duo. Moments later their Pelican was shot down and they were sent plummeting into the Sanghelian sea, but Osiris made it to the Guardian.

After that Locke and his pals were taken to Genesis, a Forerunner planet not unlike Requiem, on which Cortana was attempting to take over the Galaxy. Osiris met up with the installations monitor, 031 Exuberent Witness, who helped them reach Blue Team and save them from 10,000 years of imprisonment in the Didact's old blue-balled testicle. Cortana was enraged by this and decided to cause a month-long blackout of all UNSC worlds using the Guardian's armor lock EMP burst, which Captain Lasky expertly avoided. Locke then brought Chief back home to Halsey, and Locke, Chief, Halsey, Arbiter, Buck, Palmer, Vale, Tanaka, Fred, Linda, Kelly and Exuberent teamed up to form a super squad to depose Cortana and save the Galaxy.