League Pet Food

NEWS JUST IN! The new stock has been delivered today! (Unless you're reading this tomorrow or yesterday, in which case I weep for you. I also congratulate you on inventing time travel.) The League Pet Food has finally arrived! Yes, this pet food really is brilliant! Sure, it has no healthy benefits, can make you morbidly obese, may possibly be fatal and can only be fed to turtles, but it really is worth it!

( If it can only be fed to turtles, why is there a hamster on the front? WE WILL CALL THE COMPANY IMMEDIATELY!)

The company that made this, which shall remain nameless, first used the product as toilet cleaner. But, because they went bust, they turned it to solidified food. However, loyal fans were angry, so they reverted back to the old recipie but still made food.

WARNING! Product may contain bleach.

ALSO WARNING! No humans/ humanoids should consume this. (Does not apply for Klingons.) This may cause: If you do happen to consume some to see what happens, please call 6666 666 6666 and make your reservations in The Void. (What? We warned you!) Also, don't sue us if you die.
 * 1) Diarrhoea
 * 2) Projectile Vomiting
 * 3) Farting the tune to "Oh When The Saints Go Marching In"
 * 4) Excreting a lung (in one case it was a liver!)
 * 5) Immediate death (after two hours or so)